half year mark

this past thursday was my half year mark being here.
who knew...who knew...
this week has been quite trying.
I was unfortunately suffering from a terrible cold and some other type of illness that caused all of my joints stiff and aching....muscle weakness...and my frontal lobes all numb (brain-wise, that is).

monday was the worst day, i was mostly delirious and unable to really walk,
I really needed to go back home but one of my co-workers was already sick
and the head teacher was covering for her.
My new supervisor is..well...new, so she had no idea how and what to teach my classes and was freaking out.
So i sucked it up and went through with the classes.
And i do not remember anything that i taught and my daily report notes were pure scribbles.

The next day, i was a little bit better, but still not good enough.
I blacked out a few times during mid sentence in my classes.
So for the most of the week, i've been trudging around school...
but friday i felt back to normal
and now, i'm much better.

On another note, today is fatman's bday celebration.
I can't believe i'm missing it.
For the past few years, i've been there preparing and planning his parties...
and now i'm not.
i've somewhat begun to reminisce about the people and life i've left behind back in toronto.
It feels like i'm back in highschool all over again
and as many people who knew me back then and after:
I hated highschool.
well, not all of highschool but the majority of it.
I worked so hard to avoid as much as any life similar to highschool as possible..
and what happens?! i fly across an ocean and i land right into it.
wonderful. just wonderful.

Do you know what gets me down?
not work, not money.....it's people.
When ppl try to pull you down with them to their crap attitude.
Honestly, a girl just wants to get by with a pretty decent attitude and perspective... and here people are trying to muck it up.
Of course i'm not saying i'm willfully blinding myself from issues and problems,
but seriously, there are so many ways and approaches to do things.
Such as an aptly titled short story: 100 ways to skin a cat
And i'm just picking one where the killer doesn't have to do much work.... and the cat is as high as a kite...before quickly passing away.
And 'no', i would not use hemlock.

blah, i'm tired and i'm utterly tired from passing the entire CoD4 on my own.

So last words:
I have been extremely accommodating towards many things.
I've changed and shared many things with friends, strangers, and lower.....
but there are certain things that I refuse to budge on
and THIS is one of them.
I own this.
I am the one in full control,
and it shall stay that way.

this made my day

we have to correct journal entries every week
Usually, the students don't know who's correcting which journal.
And i've intentionally made my identity as unknown as possible while correcting.
Today, I was correcting one of my Pre-Middle school's students' journal and look:


It basically reads (after editing):
My Heroes
I would like to introduce to you my heroes.
My heroes are Daniel Radcliffe Jae jung Kim, Geng Young Hy and Alicia teacher.
Daniel Radcliffe is my actor hero.
He has a tall body, high nose and has beautiful coloured eyes
Jae Jung Kim (so amazing)has the nickname = "Hero Jae Jung"and I tink he is lie (?) Heros.
Geng Yong Hu is my crazy hero.
He said his IQ is 430! and made pan moom jum (I don't know spelling!)
Alicia teacher is my Joking (or Kidding) Hero.
She calls me - "Koala Kate"

awww...i'm finally feelin' appreciated.

so-sigh-it-tee

It was just last night did remnants of my desire to further study return to me.
It's been a long time. I still feel extremely jaded by my education system, but my desire is stronger.
However, I'm still digesting the concepts i've learned at an amazingly fast pace.
I feel a mental indigestion.
And now, my increasingly diminishing vocabulary is leaving me unable to express said concepts.
Last night, I was able to talk about things that I really wanted to talk about.
Things that were silenced from numerous relationships.
Things, that in a way, people tried to render inappropriate or unfathomable.
I was finally able to talk and play with the concepts of the noumena, Phenomena, Buddhist thoughts, Marxism and so forth, to a willful ear.
It was a relief.
A desire long unfulfilled.
And bittersweet, for it shouldn't have been silenced that long.
Sad, because it should have never made me feel ashamed for thinking, inquiring, and speaking.
I felt angry.
Angry for allowing that to happen.
I shouldn't have felt ashamed, I shouldn't have felt like I was looking or sounding too pretentious, because I wasn't.
Prentention means to act like something one is not.
And my inquiries and thoughts were and are genuine.
It was never to sound smart, not at all. I just..want to know.
That's what keeps me up at nights.
So why...why did I let it happen? To allow others to feel comfortable, rendering myself not?
That's the question..isn't

    Synthesis
    /         \
Thesis----Antithesis

Say Whuh?!

What i'll be putting on my candygram:

"if i can't hit your g-spot, i might as well hit your sweet spot"
or
"If i can't hit your g-spot, I might as well hit ONE of your sweet spots"

and

"roses are red
my testicles are blue
stop being a bitch
cuz i really like you"


and now *drum roll please!*
a Korean attempting to pick me up via txt msging and his crappy phone translator:

"take the liberty of rudeness letter"

me: "who's this?!"

"I'm a korean
Do you have a honey?"

me: ......errr?
*gets a korean co-worker to help me*


*ah* the romance! just *swept* me off my feet!

of course, before all of that, when i was getting my phone activated,
he was already trying to hit on me by typing something on his phone and showing it to me

screen: beautiful, pretty, nice
*guy points to me..to him and then to me*
me: uhh....(thumbs up) thank you?

*guy types something in and shows screen*

screen: single, uncoupled, alone

me: uhh....no...anio (Korean for 'no')

*guy types something in and shows screen*

screen: sad, unhappy, down trodden
*points to self*

me: uhh....o...k.....
*walks away quickly*